Unbreakable

Lightning strikes

The world is changing as we know it. The sky is bigger, brighter than I remember it.

Blinding me from the truth that was unfolding in front of me. Blinded because it was easier not to see. But it wasn’t.

This sky, my sky, now covered in dark clouds, let out a roar. Down came the wishes, hopes, and dreams. Down came the love. When I slowly opened my mouth to taste this love one last time, wet, salty, it tasted dark and nothing like I knew before.

This downpour continues and reaches far away lands, unifying loved ones of what this storm has brought upon the world that we knew.

Realizing now, life becomes far too great of a storm for some to weather.

Knowing the things I know, seeing the things I’ve seen, like lightning striking the tree of life standing before me, as it bursts into crimson and orange, I know as I stand close to this tree, so close to my very being, as it begins to singe the tiny hairs on my arms, I am still standing tall.

As the tree falls before me, I smile and speak into existence, “Thank you for releasing me.” I am no longer part of this darkness.

I am unbreakable.

The Maze

Two inseparable lovers have walked into a maze hand in hand. Their curiosity guided them deeper into the maze, holding on to each other as if life were about to end.

An earth crashing wind blew the lovers apart. Throwing them on opposite sides of the maze. And so, they tread on unknown grounds, searching desperately for a way back to each other. Back to what they knew, back to the safety of each other’s arms. Temptations stop them along the way, clouding the love they walked in with. But they don’t stop because love like theirs runs deep within the bones. No matter the storm, no matter the temptations. Until then, they continue to go through labyrinth-like obstacles to find the love that shines brighter than the stars lighting their way.

© Stephanie Cardozo and stephaniecardozo@wordpress.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephanie Cardozo and stephaniecardozo@wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Inevitably Tethered

A part of me was stolen, pinned to the sky, a cynosure for all to see.

He was kind and I was completely besotted by his velvety words.

There were no warning signs in his sapphire eyes. I should have seen the ice that resided past the warmth of his gaze.

A novice heart like my own never had a chance and somehow, a part of me always knew it wouldn’t last.

I danced and sang to the beat of his song. Entranced, I let the master of my heart take me beyond.

I let him crawl inside my body, and there he became Amadeus and I his symphony.

Wildly, passionately, he played every inch of my being.

I never thought to Pause for the slightest moment.

My body, a betrayer to my heart, responded to his lies with ecstasy.

Desire left me blind and cold in a labyrinth created by a love I could never control.

Forget what you think you know about love.

It’s much like the ocean, beautiful and mysterious, but ultimately, a deleterious path for anyone swimming with their eyes closed.

 

 

 

 

© Stephanie Cardozo and stephaniecardozo@wordpress.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephanie Cardozo and stephaniecardozo@wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

 

I Realize….

Realize that I will never be enough for you. You always make it so clear that you would rather be with everyone else but me. I wonder why I’m even here. Why did you bring me here? Why do you keep me? I see the fire in your eyes. This is the kind of fire that burns right through the soul and leaves permanent scars. It hurts me when you disappear for days without calling. It hurts me when you come back laughing, stumbling, holding the hand of someone you barely know. You look at him with joyful eyes, the same eyes that change like that of a snake when they rest upon me sitting, waiting for you. Eyes that sting and tell me to disappear. I do as I’m told by those dark eyes before the flames of your words hit me.

I realize that I may not be what you wanted but I am here nonetheless.

I realize that you may never understand the emptiness you placed in my world.

I realize that you may never change your snake skin.

I realize that in unexplainable ways, you enjoy the attention of slithering around in the weight of the old.

What you should realize is that while you never gave me what I wanted most, what I needed to feel safe, is something I found all on my own. I realize now that more beauty came from all the darkness you shoved in my heart. This darkness was never who I was. It shaped me into someone stronger than you. Someone who could open their eyes and see the beautiful wonders of the world.

I realize that I am the brightest star in my minds galaxy and I am okay with that.

 

 

starry-sky-anime

© Stephanie Cardozo, 2016. Stephanie Cardozo, All rights reserved.

 

 

 

A Choice

Daring

The world will always seem too big.

Too big to understand, too big to see with two eyes, and far too big to explore in one lifetime.

Choose to be different from the rest. People are moving too fast to enjoy the beauty around them. Feeling the energy from the earth and slowing down is daring.

People are scared of missing out and are always running through life.

So, I say slow it down. Enjoy the wonders of the world. Having this one life to live doesn’t mean we should rush through it. It means that we need to enjoy it that much more.

anime-a-choice

 

Facade

Facade

There is a moment in life, that moment you look yourself in the mirror and wonder how you got where you are. A moment when you think back to all the things you’ve done, things you’ve said that led up to that moment. Waves of years past come rushing back. Every step you’ve taken that have shaped who you are now, reeling like a film. Maybe instead of standing in front of that mirror, you were laying in bed, staring off into a moonlit ceiling, begging for sleep but your mind simply wanted to cash that ticket in to the  past.

As your mind flashes backwards, memories of another life appear….

Twenty years old and no where to go. Crying in the bathroom, shaking hands gripping the sink as she lifts her face to see the image she fears. Through blurred vision, she takes in her flushed cheeks, her tears turn red as the wound above her eye pulses with life. How did this happen? How did I become– this? 

This isn’t the first time it’s happened. She’s been here many times before. Not uttering a word to anyone. Waking up every day with a smile, greeting co-workers, friends, and family with kindness she doesn’t receive at home. She knows this facade of hers will soon shatter as she continues to break inside. Her mind is no longer strong enough. Her smile never meets her eyes. Her hands, tire from shielding the pain. Her skin dulls under the brightest sunlight.

Her body shudders at her own question and the pain in her body sends her to the floor. Hugging her knees, she lowers her head and completely lets herself go. She feels every bit of who she was die inside. Every punch is relived as her cries get heavier. Every breath takes her back to fists pounding her ribs, a kick to her thigh– the hands that used to hold her tight, hands that caressed her, hands now dipped with rage wrapped tightly around her neck until she felt the fight in her fade away, until darkness consumed her.

Waking up from what she thought to be a nightmare, her eyes shoot open, gasping for air as curious eyes glare back. He comes flying towards her, to finish what he started. Those hands, hot and sweaty, find their way back around her throat.

She cries, pleads, clawing– the world begins to get hazy when she finds the strength to fight back. She forces her fist forward, smashing right to his left cheek. Shock spreads through him as he lets her go. She inches backwards as she sees his anger flare like never before. Her will to fight only feeds the fire inside of him.

He charges like like a bull. She has nowhere to run. She prepares herself as white knuckles slam into her brow. Darkness never comes, though she wishes for it, desperately. Her brow becomes slick and cold as blood trails down the side of her face. She lays still as inaudible sounds come from the other side of the door.

Too scared to move, she sees him pacing from her peripheral, fists in his hair, cursing, muscles pulsing. Worming her way to the door, she lets out a whimper. He rushes to her side, his fingers digging on either side of her arms, pulling her up to her knees–he cries for her. He begs for forgiveness when he’s stopped short by the door flying off the hinges.

In one swift move, he lets go and is on the other side of the room. Family rush in, screaming, cornered by the ones who love him. There is no one there for her. She never belonged here. She runs out of the room and rushes to the bathroom. Waiting. Hoping.

Minutes seem like hours as she slowly cleans her wound. Cutting her hair to cover the gash she knows will forever remind her of what occurred when she finally fought back.

Her tears burn but she knows this pain is only temporary. It ends today. This will be the last time she belongs to anyone but herself. Vows are made to the broken girl in the mirror. Today she picks up the pieces, opens the door, and never turns back.

 

 

 

© Stephanie Cardozo, 2016. Stephanie Cardozo, All rights reserved.

 

Pretend

Pretend

We both knew it was wrong. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stay away. His lips of rum and words of silk slithered closer to my neck. All I could think of was when did we get here? How did we let it get this far?

Our hands are running wild with hunger, desperately feeding needs that have not been met. His voice, husky in my ear, telling me he wants me. My body pressed against him in response. Neither of us cared who suffered at the expense of our desires. We reveled in the heat of one another as we knew our time would shortly end. It was time for him to get back to her and for me to get back to the one who waited for me.

Sitting in the car, taking in the frazzled sight of my image in the rearview mirror, I smoothed out my hair and glossed my lips. I took a deep breath, looking at my perfect house that held my perfect husband, and our perfect children, ready to live a life of pretend.

 

 

 

© Stephanie Cardozo, 2016. Stephanie Cardozo, All rights reserved.