Facade

Facade

There is a moment in life, that moment you look yourself in the mirror and wonder how you got where you are. A moment when you think back to all the things you’ve done, things you’ve said that led up to that moment. Waves of years past come rushing back. Every step you’ve taken that have shaped who you are now, reeling like a film. Maybe instead of standing in front of that mirror, you were laying in bed, staring off into a moonlit ceiling, begging for sleep but your mind simply wanted to cash that ticket in to the  past.

As your mind flashes backwards, memories of another life appear….

Twenty years old and no where to go. Crying in the bathroom, shaking hands gripping the sink as she lifts her face to see the image she fears. Through blurred vision, she takes in her flushed cheeks, her tears turn red as the wound above her eye pulses with life. How did this happen? How did I become– this? 

This isn’t the first time it’s happened. She’s been here many times before. Not uttering a word to anyone. Waking up every day with a smile, greeting co-workers, friends, and family with kindness she doesn’t receive at home. She knows this facade of hers will soon shatter as she continues to break inside. Her mind is no longer strong enough. Her smile never meets her eyes. Her hands, tire from shielding the pain. Her skin dulls under the brightest sunlight.

Her body shudders at her own question and the pain in her body sends her to the floor. Hugging her knees, she lowers her head and completely lets herself go. She feels every bit of who she was die inside. Every punch is relived as her cries get heavier. Every breath takes her back to fists pounding her ribs, a kick to her thigh– the hands that used to hold her tight, hands that caressed her, hands now dipped with rage wrapped tightly around her neck until she felt the fight in her fade away, until darkness consumed her.

Waking up from what she thought to be a nightmare, her eyes shoot open, gasping for air as curious eyes glare back. He comes flying towards her, to finish what he started. Those hands, hot and sweaty, find their way back around her throat.

She cries, pleads, clawing– the world begins to get hazy when she finds the strength to fight back. She forces her fist forward, smashing right to his left cheek. Shock spreads through him as he lets her go. She inches backwards as she sees his anger flare like never before. Her will to fight only feeds the fire inside of him.

He charges like like a bull. She has nowhere to run. She prepares herself as white knuckles slam into her brow. Darkness never comes, though she wishes for it, desperately. Her brow becomes slick and cold as blood trails down the side of her face. She lays still as inaudible sounds come from the other side of the door.

Too scared to move, she sees him pacing from her peripheral, fists in his hair, cursing, muscles pulsing. Worming her way to the door, she lets out a whimper. He rushes to her side, his fingers digging on either side of her arms, pulling her up to her knees–he cries for her. He begs for forgiveness when he’s stopped short by the door flying off the hinges.

In one swift move, he lets go and is on the other side of the room. Family rush in, screaming, cornered by the ones who love him. There is no one there for her. She never belonged here. She runs out of the room and rushes to the bathroom. Waiting. Hoping.

Minutes seem like hours as she slowly cleans her wound. Cutting her hair to cover the gash she knows will forever remind her of what occurred when she finally fought back.

Her tears burn but she knows this pain is only temporary. It ends today. This will be the last time she belongs to anyone but herself. Vows are made to the broken girl in the mirror. Today she picks up the pieces, opens the door, and never turns back.

 

 

 

© Stephanie Cardozo, 2016. Stephanie Cardozo, All rights reserved.

 

Advertisements

Pretend

Pretend

We both knew it was wrong. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stay away. His lips of rum and words of silk slithered closer to my neck. All I could think of was when did we get here? How did we let it get this far?

Our hands are running wild with hunger, desperately feeding needs that have not been met. His voice, husky in my ear, telling me he wants me. My body pressed against him in response. Neither of us cared who suffered at the expense of our desires. We reveled in the heat of one another as we knew our time would shortly end. It was time for him to get back to her and for me to get back to the one who waited for me.

Sitting in the car, taking in the frazzled sight of my image in the rearview mirror, I smoothed out my hair and glossed my lips. I took a deep breath, looking at my perfect house that held my perfect husband, and our perfect children, ready to live a life of pretend.

 

 

 

© Stephanie Cardozo, 2016. Stephanie Cardozo, All rights reserved.

 

 

A Thousand Boy Kisses: Book Review

 

a-thousand-boy-kissesOne kiss lasts a moment. But a thousand kisses can last a lifetime.One boy. One girl. A bond that is forged in an instant and cherished for a decade. A bond that neither time nor distance can break. A bond that will last forever. Or so they believe.When seventeen-year-old Rune Kristiansen returns from his native Norway to the sleepy town of Blossom Grove, Georgia, where he befriended Poppy Litchfield as a child, he has just one thing on his mind. Why did the girl who was one half of his soul, who promised to wait faithfully for his return, cut him off without a word of explanation?Rune’s heart was broken two years ago when Poppy fell silent. When he discovers the truth, he finds that the greatest heartache is yet to come.A stand-alone young adult tearjerker romance, recommended for ages fourteen and up.

This book was recommended to me by my lovely sister-in-law, who clearly has it out for my emotions, (haha love you cunyi!). This novel by Tillie Cole is so beautifully written. I was immediately engaged from the very first page. I knew nothing about the book when I picked it up. Nor did I read the synopsis before I started reading it. My sis-in-law however, did tell me to prepare myself with a box of tissues. So, while I didn’t know what it was about, I knew it would be a tear-jerker. This novel tells the beautiful love story of Rune and Poppy. You will completely fall in love with these two and find it near impossible to peel yourself away from this book until the very last page. My heart raced, it smiled, it broke, it healed, and it soared. Rune and Poppy will be a part of me forever always. Need I even say it? I give this book 5/5 stars!!

If you haven’t read this gem of a story, go pick up a copy! Right now!! Oh, and don’t forget the tissues! 😉

Happy Reading! x-Steph

 

**Blurb taken from Goodreads.com**

Never Never BK 1: Book Review

 

 

never-never

“Best friends since they could walk. In love since the age of fourteen.

Complete strangers since this morning.

He’ll do anything to remember. She’ll do anything to forget.”

I read this book in two sittings. It was a pretty quick read and REALLY confusing. But in a way that you absolutely had to find out where the missing puzzle pieces had vanished to. This is the first installment of three by Colleen Hoover. I admit that this book caught my eye with its neat cover. I have been known to dive into a novel because of a severe case of cover crush on numerous occasions. What I enjoyed about this book, without giving away any details, is that from the very first page you are walking with the main characters. You literally have no idea what has happened to them and are on a whirlwind of awkward positions in order to find out the truth and why they have zero memory of who they are.I give this book 3.4/5 stars. I felt that there were a few parts that dragged on but boy did Colleen Hoover give us the cliff hanger of a lifetime. I will definitely be picking up the next installment quite soon.

Until next time…

Happy reading! x Steph 🙂

 

**Note: Blurb taken from Goodreads.com**